Dipping into the Dating Pool
The idea of dating is often daunting and should be implemented in a way that sets you up for success.
Here are some ideas to help you start your journey.
Look back before you look forward.
Look back at your past relationships: what worked, what didn't work, what patterns are present, who you were when it started, who you were when it ended, and so on and so forth.
Humans are much more inclined to gloss over the bad and focus on the good, but in any relationship, regardless of who did what or why it fizzled out, there are always two people responsible for the end of a relationship. Knowing the role you played and how that relationship came into your life is key.
Create a list of your previous partners, from the long-time partners to casual short-lived flings. For each one, answer the following:
What was going on in your life when you met? (New job, recent vacation, breakup)
How did you meet?
What was the initial attraction?
What did you like most about them overall?
What didn’t you like about them or the relationship?
What did you learn from that relationship?
How did you grow from that relationship?
What went wrong? What was your role in this?
This can be a lengthy process, but it is crucial if you want to find a healthy, long lasting relationship.
Recognize your patterns.
Look back over your pages of notes surrounding past loves, what scenario, outcome, or occurrence is like a thread running through all your relationships? What keeps getting repeated or played out in different forms with each partner? What left you feeling the same way or wondering the same thing, or feeling as if there was something wrong with you? In other words, what are your relationship patterns?
Gaining clarity on our patterns builds personal growth because our patterns are often a product of our subconscious brain--something we don't realize we're doing. When we are brave enough to go inward and see what's actually present, we gain insight on our hurts, insecurities and other problems.
Consciousness brings clarity
When you are aware of your patterns you can begin the process of determining what you need in a relationship.
It might be easier to start with a list of things you DO NOT want in a partner.
Then create a list of specific things you do want.
Commitment.
You have done all the prep work necessary to understand why your relationships and dating experiences have resulted in the way they have and now need to commit to changing our ways in order to create a new reality.
Stay vigilant when you begin dating. When you begin talking to someone or meeting them for the first time be sure to take the time to evaluate the experience and watch for signs of the old patterns from past relationships.
There may be periods of loneliness which can be hard. If you can ride out these sad times, you can naturally become better at pursuing relationships with intention and finding a partner that is well-suited.
“Dating isn’t for the weak of heart; it takes courage, compassion and tenacity.”