A Cat-alyst Named Tailey

In the summer of 2005, I was getting acclimatized to the reality of sharing custody of my two daughters with my soon-to-be ex-husband. We both wanted what we thought was best for our girls and tried to minimize the damage after delivering the crushing news that we were going to split up. The guilt I felt during that period of my life still lurks in the corners of my heart.

I remember trying very hard to ensure my daughters were going to be “okay.” I treated them to ice cream after dance class, kept them busy with playdates and agreed to visit the neighbourhood pet store on what seemed like a weekly basis.

One afternoon, Sierra, my youngest pleaded with me to take her to see the variety of dogs, cats and hamsters who needed a place to call home. I was standing behind Sierra when she clapped her hands with joy and pointed to a shy little kitty whose colour couldn’t be described.

“Can I hold her,” she asked. “Please, can I hold her?”

I resisted for a few moments but eventually flagged down the young boy who was behind the counter.

He carefully placed the kitten into Sierra’s outstretched arms and watched as her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Mom” she exclaimed. “Something is wrong with her. She has no tail!”

I turned to look more closely at the cat and laughed.

“Oh, Sierra,” I said with a mischievous grin. “Nothing is wrong with her. She’s a special kind of cat, called a Manx. They are born without tails.”

I should have been prepared for her next question.

“Can I have her?” she asked.

“No,” I said firmly. “Jazz is too old to put up with a frisky little kitten.”

“Please,” she begged.

“No,” I repeated.

And then she said the words I didn’t want to hear.

“Please, as a birthday present since you and Daddy are getting a divorce?”

I took her truthfully painful words like a dagger to my chest.

I lowered my head, so she couldn’t see the tear that had silently formed on my lower eyelid and whispered, “Okay.”

As we were filling out the adoption paperwork the clerk asked us what we were going to name our new kitten.

I looked to Sierra for her thoughts and she replied immediately.

“Tailey, of course.” and looked at me like I should have known it was the only obvious choice.

We bundled Tailey up in a blanket and placed her in a round, red checkered cat bed and perched her upon Sierra’s lap for the car ride to her new home.

“Can we stop at Gramma’s?” she asked. “I want to show Tailey to her and Grandpa.”

My Mom opened the front door as we were walking up the sidewalk.

“What is that?” she joked as she scooped her out of the basket and into her arms.

I could tell my mom wasn’t thrilled with my reckless parenting decision, but the tiny ball of fur won her over in no time which turned out to be a good thing because I used my portion of the proceeds from our family house to buy a new condo that required me to move back home for a few months with my parents until it was complete.

When my condo was finally ready for possession, my parents told me that they didn’t want me to take Tailey away from them. She loved watching my dad work in the yard and spent hours purring on my mom’s lap every evening. I was worried that Sierra wouldn’t accept the idea of sharing custody of her cat with her grandparents, but she seemed to understand how much they needed her company and agreed to the arrangement. Tailey lived with them in the summer either at their home or the lake house and at our place in the winters when my parents headed south. Tailey had the life that most people dream of.

When my parents left for Palm Springs last fall, they both told me that they were concerned that Tailey was losing weight, so I made a conscious decision to ensure I was present whenever she wanted me to pet her. I tried not to mind the early morning paw pats on my face as she told me she was ready for some attention. I loved that when I was petting her, she would curl her paw around one of my fingers and I swear she trying to hold my hand.

I took Tailey to the animal clinic two weeks ago for a check-up. The veterinarian kept remarking how beautiful she was as Tailey stood calmly as they prodded and probed her looking for any signs of illness.

“She seems very healthy for 15.” she told me. “I love her colouring. It’s so unusual that I have asked one of my assistants to identify it for us.”

The assistant came in and confirmed Tailey’s colouring was called “fawn.” Imagine that it took 15 years for someone to tell us what colour she was.

I know it was a coincidence, but within a day of Tailey visiting the vet, she became lethargic and stopped eating. I tried dozens of various cat foods, tempting her with smelly gravy dishes, flakes of tuna and other concoctions. Nothing worked.

She no longer wanted to sit on our laps and every step seemed to exhaust her.

On Friday night, I noticed that she wasn’t able to stand and knew that it was time to make the most difficult decision. I carefully placed Tailey in her well-worn bed and lay awake worried about having to tell Sierra.

Sierra came home to find that Tailey had miraculously made her way to Sierra’s room and jumped up on her bed, but the poor thing was not in good shape. She seemed distressed and disoriented.

Shortly before 4am I told Sierra she needed to get some sleep as we would have to take Tailey back to the vet when they opened. A thought that made me feel sick to my stomach.

I put Tailey back in her round, red checkered bed, turned off the lights and tried to keep her calm by petting her and telling her how much she was loved. A few minutes later, I felt her take her last breath in the darkness. She was at peace.

When my husband, Geoff offered to take Tailey to the vet for us, I was overcome with relief and gratitude. I knew neither Sierra or I was up to the task.

I went to the basement and found the lacey white box that was a wedding present to both of us a few years prior and told Geoff that I wanted to send Tailey off in something special. He looked at me like I was a bit crazy.

“I assure you that even though I am sleep deprived and in mourning, I want to celebrate Tailey’s life and send her off in something special.” She was the nucleus of our family and with her gone, we all have lost a tiny piece of our heart.

My testimony made Geoff tear up a bit too.

I will miss our beautiful fawn kitty, but I know that our lives were better for knowing her and letting us call her ours.